In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
