im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
