you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
