brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
