just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
