She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
