I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
