You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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