I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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