I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
