Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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