I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
