wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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