I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
