I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
