I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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