Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
