i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize