He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
where does the pee come out of this thing
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
