No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Can I color on your dick again?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
