pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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