you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
