party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
there is puke in my bra ... again
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