Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
