Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The power of my boobs compel you
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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