There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's never too late to be topless.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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