i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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