I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
