btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
