Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
