I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
