I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize