no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
