Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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