They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
