Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize