Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
