i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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