I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
