Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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