dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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