Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize