STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
false alarm. still invincible.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
