you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
