He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
