Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
