thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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