he wants to bone in the snuggie
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
