Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
