you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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