my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
