I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
