He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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