Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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