Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
