I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I pour the whiskey from now on
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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