you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
