3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
