Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
