She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
