I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
