Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
