Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
