chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
