Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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