I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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