and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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