I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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