he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
