What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
