I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize