I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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