Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
