How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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