I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
