I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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