I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
whose parrot is this?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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