she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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