I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
