i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
