How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
