remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
