I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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