I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
