I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
