It's a beautiful day for a hangover
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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