You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
