I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
