I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
